Dear Nielsen Ratings Company & Friends,
I just came across this article and see that we, the “Zero TV Segment” as you like to call us, are now on your radar, and that you and your broadcasting friends are sniffing around trying to figure out how to make some coin off of us. According to the article, “5 million U.S. households have bid the boob tube goodbye.” I can see why our segment is increasingly important to you since the number of people signing up for traditional TV service has come to a screeching halt.
As one of those 5 million who “broke up” with TV, I just wanted to tell you that you can move along, there’s nothing to see here — we are not the droids you’re looking for.
In case my Jedi mind trick didn’t work on you, let me ‘splain something to ju Lucy…
We “cord-cutters” don’t want what the people who hire you are trying to sell us. That’s why we don’t have cable or satellite TV. It’s not that we sit around picking our teeth with a piece of straw while drinking cheap beer on our front porch all day or that we have our heads buried in a giant pile of compost or our unshaven armpits — it’s that we carefully consume media that WE seek out, from sources we TRUST.
Those people who pay for your research and those broadcasters who want to dig into our pockets? Not at the top of the list of people we trust. In fact, you can pass this message on to your buddies at the National Association of Broadcasters show in Vegas this week…
We’re not down with GMO’s & processed foods you market to us busy moms. We get real, whole food from our gardens, our farmer’s markets and our local CSA farms. We get our recipe inspiration and nutritional information from people like Kris Carr, Joel Salatin, Food Babe and Food Renegade. Our hardworking farmers and wellness warriors don’t have the giant advertising budgets that your buddies do, so they are of no interest to you.
And those big pharma pill poppin’ ads?
They don’t appeal to us one bit. (Poppin’ tags, yes? Poppin’ pills – not so much.) We take our health into our own hands and start by avoiding all the “pretend” food you try to sell us. When we do need help in the wellness department, we educate ourselves and we consult with experts who will take a more holistic approach to our health. We don’t run over to the nearest quack-in-a-shack-doc who is just going to write us an Rx for the latest product his or her favey pharmaceutical company is pushing. (Yes, that same pharma company who regularly treats the quack-in-a-shack-doc to steak dinners, golf outings and all-inclusive vacations to the Bahamas.)
As for the commercials for over-sized gas-guzzling cars, over-priced Disney vacations, Jared diamonds and all that other crap you try to make people think they need to fit in and feel more happy, healthy, complete or whole, NO THANKS. We’re all good here in Zero TV land, thank you very much.
You want to know what really makes us tick?
When we are seeking out entertainment and joy, we tend to do things like go for a hike, engage in conversation, enjoy a picnic, catch a live music show, check out a festival, gaze at the stars, get involved in our communities, plan a road trip, take up a new hobby or revisit an old one, work on an important cause or just sit in a hammock and read a book. On those days when we want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie or catch a documentary, our resources are a plenty, and we don’t have to be interrupted with commercials from your greedy friends. Thanks to Netflix, Amazon, PBS online, Top Documentary Films, Podcasts, You Tube, TedTalks and our local movie rental store we have enough commercial and B.S.-free content to keep us satisfied for a lifetime.
I’m sorry if I sound a little bitter, it’s just that I thought we broke up, and now you’re sort sniffing around my house like an un-welcomed ex trying to figure out your angle for working your way back into my life.
So, dear Nielsen Ratings Company & Friends, if you don’t mind, do us all a solid and forget you ever heard about us. We don’t want to be on your radar, and trust me, you don’t want to be on ours. We tend to call bullshit when we smell it, and most of those boobs who sign your checks… they’ve got plenty of bullshit to peddle.
I guess that’s why they call it the “boob tube”. (Speaking of being boobs — why couldn’t you people figure out how to keep Arrested Development on the air?)
P.S. If you’re reading this and you’re part of the “Zero TV Segment”…
Please join the convo with our Cosmic Community… where do you like to get your news & media entertainment? Have a documentary or show to recommend? Please share in the comment section below!